i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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