i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
