OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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