So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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