Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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