As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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