Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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