is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
