does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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