do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
