If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
