dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
