Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's blow job season.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
