You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
