I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
