I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
