cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
