Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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