dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
