Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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