you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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