theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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