this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
