I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
