entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
