Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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