my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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