My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
