Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We need to rekindle our bromance
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He felt like a one man threesome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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