I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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