If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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