We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
