If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
