She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
