I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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