I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
