escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
These tits shall not be calmed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
