dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize