cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
