So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
