Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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