you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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