I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
