I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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