i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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