flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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