don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
