whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
