my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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