And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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