Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
