i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
