he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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