I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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