I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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