We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
