I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
