I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
