I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need to stop coming to work sober
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
