What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
