just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
