If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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