Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
