He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
