Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
