i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
