Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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