Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
