Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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