party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
